day twentyfive

dear god

thank you for today. thank you for another day to spend with the two boys. thank you for all of the moments. the things that used to feel mind numbingly mundane now seem so filled with purpose. i know that that is not the reason for losing frank and ezekiel but i thank you that we see things so differently now. thank you for the sunshine and the warm weather. thank you that we have a space to play outside and cool drinks and lots of healthy choices to snack on as well as good meals. thank you that i was able to make it to richelle's baby shower and that her friends are treating her taking a foster child as legitimately as they would have if she'd had a biological baby. that encourages me.

i ask that you be a strong presence in frank and ezekiel's lives right now.

i ask that you give sean and i deep wisdom and patience for our two boys who have a lot to wrestle with right now and as they grow up.

there's been so many natural disasters recently and i just ask that you would work these tragedies together for good. that people would see hope rather than despair.

i ask that you would forgive me for all of the ways i failed today. sometimes i try to be good and then do the wrong thing and think "dang....but i didn't know what else to do...." help me to make more wise choices, in my mind and in my actions and in my words.

please help us all to sleep great and wake up ready to serve each other and those around us as well as to be kind and respectful.

amen...

day twentyfour

dear god

thank you so much for today. thank you for being able to play inside and outside with the kids all day. thank you for a slow work day so that when they napped i got to nap too. thank you for a great job and for a great friend/boss. thank you for me and sean's relationship where we can challenge each other and have fun together and celebrate when the other grows.

i am pretty wiped out today after our long day yesterday. help the kids not to feel like they got ripped off in the mom department today 'cause i was all achey.

i ask that i could feel back to myself tomorrow so i can interact more with them.

i pray for frank and ezekiel. we miss them and hope they are well and learning about you.

thank you for kristen who is working so hard recruiting for kids that are hard to place in the foster system.

i ask that you heal rachel and zachary.

i pray that you will help richelle find a good, stable day care option.

i ask that you will give colton the grace to be patient with tylon. i ask that you will give him your love for his new brother. help me and sean give him the tools to handle this well.

help sean hang in there tonight being as tired as i am and still having school.

i ask that you would forgive me for all of my shortcomings today. i know there were many. please help me to do better tomorrow.

please help sean and i to have super restorative sleep tonight so that we can be good for our respective tasks tomorrow and help the boys sleep great so that they can have great attitudes.

amen...

day twentythree

dear god

thank you so much for today.

we are so so exhausted from disneyland today so tonight's will be short because i just want to fall into bed.

today was a fantastic day filled with friends, family and watching the magic of disneyland through tylon's eyes.

i am reminded that we are extremely fortunate to have as many good things as we have and am humbled that you see fit to bless us in so many good ways.

i am thankful that sean and i can keep each other accountable as parents and help each other stay positive and patient especially when times are trying.

we missed frank and ezekiel today. i hope they are doing great.

please forgive me for all of the nasty things i said, thought or did today. i pray that you would help me to be better.

please help us all to sleep great since we are so wiped out. and thanks again for a fun day!

amen...

day twentytwo

dear god

thank you for today. thank you for lots of good time spending it with the kids. thank you for all of the ways i have learned how to be more patient over the last year. thank you for jamie and the therapy she did with us last year. thank you for more than enough food and healthy choices as a bonus. thank you for clean water, shoes, clothes and shelter and that i don't have to worry about where those things will come from each day. thank you for a good visit with katie and that we have a social worker down here that we trust. thank you for all of the advice and support she gave us.

i ask that you would help us to know how to share all of the good things you have given us with others. help me to think outside of the box so that i'm not focused only on sharing material things.

i ask that you are actively protecting frank and ezekiel and that they are happy and healthy and learning about you.

i pray for the many people i know in the thick of foster care and that you would move in the best interests of the kids. i pray for more overhaul within the system.

i thank you that colette knew before colton was born that she wanted to take good care of him and make a good choice for his future by being honest about herself and making an unselfish choice. i know she wanted to raise him but knew she wanted something more stable for him.

i pray for rachel and zachary. i am so thankful for friends who answer honestly when you ask how they're doing.

thank you that darin will be able to sign sean in to disneyland tomorrow. we are so blessed with extra special gifts from you through some amazing people we are fortunate enough to know!

i ask that this birthday will mark the start of a lot of healing for tylon. it breaks my heart when he asks if we're going to leave him. help us to show him you through us.

i know i failed in many ways today. please help me to be stronger tomorrow and make better choices to bring you glory.

i ask that you give us a great night of sleeping and make us feel like you multiplied the hours so we can have great attitudes, serve each other, and treat each other kindly and with respect.

amen...

day twentyone

dear god

thank you so much for today. thank you that we had an extra day this weekend to spend together as a family. thank you that we are both healthy and able bodied and that we can play all day with the kids. thank you that i have a great job with two very supportive bosses. thank you for the warm weather. thank you for every good thing you have given us and the fact that we never have to worry about any of the necessities of life. thank you for colton's sweet heart and tylon's giggle. thank you that sean is a good daddy who loves to play with his boys. thank you that tylon is starting to get to know us and  our likes and dislikes like when he brought me a big leaf 'cause he knows i get excited when i see them. thank you for my sore arms and legs that mean i'm holding a little one again.

i pray for frank and ezekiel and ask that they are happy and healthy and that they are learning about you.

i pray for the rest of the kids in foster care that they would find good homes.

i pray for amanda that she will get a gift to be joyful about in life.

i pray that emma would have less stress and that things would start falling into place for her so that there wouldn't be so many things to be anxious about.

i want to see my friends living happy, healthy lives.

i pray that natalie's belly would stop giving her problems.

i ask that you would help mike find a great job where he feels like he can glorify you.

thank you so much for the many friends who invited us to spend the day with them today. we are so blessed to have so many great people in our lives!

thank you that colton seemed to have a good adjustment day today. i pray that you would give him your heart for tylon even though he's only a little guy.

i ask that you would forgive me for all the ways i let you down today. i know i didn't give today my all because i was feeling pretty run down. please help me to make better choices so that i can give tomorrow my all especially because sean will be at work long.

i ask that you would give us all a great night of sleeping so that we can serve you and each other and others tomorrow.

amen...

day twenty

dear god

thank you for today. thank you for all of the good things you have given us! thank you for a whole day to stay home with our family and have fun and get accustomed to each other. thank you for great weather and food and water and clothes and shoes and a house. these are all things I don't want to take for granted ever and want you to remind us are special gifts and that we have more than enough of everything to share with others. thank you that tylon loves fruit so much. it pleases me that we have the same taste! thank you that he's gained weight!

i ask that you would bless frank and ezekiel with a warm, happy home and that they would learn to love and obey you.

i pray that colton and tylon would grow up to learn to love you and desire to serve you.

i pray for amy's dad. that he would get this job if its your will and that they could all live closer.

i ask that you would start to relieve some of the bummers for amanda and that she could start to see some of the things she wants come to pass.

i am so thankful for richelle and ask that you make the foster process so great and easy for her!

please forgive me for falling short of what you want for me today. help me to make choices that are pleasing to you tomorrow.

help us to sleep great and have a fantastic day tomorrow, noticing all of the good things you've given us.

amen...

day nineteen

dear god.

thank you for today. thank you for another beautiful day that we got to enjoy with friends and family. i am so thankful for how many great people you have put in our lives. thank you again and as always for providing for our needs and above and beyond that to our wants as well. thank you that we don't have to struggle for anything.

i ask that you would help frank and ezekiel to be happy and healthy and learning to love you. i ask that if it is your will, we could see them again someday to tell them we love them and see how their doing.d

i wonder if you get bored with my same old same old prayers. if there are other things that you want me to be praying about please put them on my heart. i want to make sure that my end of the relationship is pleasing to you.

i pray for colton and tylon that they would adjust quickly to each other. i ask that you give colton patience and grace for tylon. i pray that tylon will realize that we have his best interests at heart and that family is safe. i pray that you make colton a mighty man of god and that tylon will grow up to be strong in you as well.

i've been praying so much for kids without families but i also ask that you would bless my friends without kids or friends who would be willing to add more kids with kids.

i ask that you would grant us wisdom as we seek to share the good things you've given us.

i pray that you would forgive me for being totally unworthy of your perfectness and correct me when i need to be better. please help us to parent our kids the way you parent us.

please give us great sleep tonight and help us to wake up with great attitudes and ready to realize all of the blessings you have given us.

amen...

day eighteen

dear god.

thank you so much for another great day. thank you for my two boys. thank you for my amazing family and friends. thank you for sunshine and the jasmine bushes and food and water and clothes and shoes. i never want to take these things for granted. you have given us so many special gifts above and beyond necessities and i want you to always be putting ways in our path to share the good things you've given us!

thank you for colton and for how his heart breaks for tylon. i am so thankful for his sweet sensitive heart.

thank you that tylon is beginning to let me snuggle him and snuggle back already!

thank you that sean works so hard for us and comes home after only 3 hours of sleep and plays with the kids so i can work.

i pray for frank and ezekiel. i pray that they are happy and healthy and learning about you. and i hope one day we can see them under happy circumstances like a play date or something!!

i pray for all of the other kids without families. please put kids in families!

help me with wisdom to know when colton needs me and when tylon needs me and how to meet their needs at the same times.

i ask that you would forgive me for all of the ugly things i did today. i want to have a day where i make good choices all day long.

i pray that you would give us all a great night of sleep so that we can all be awesome to each other and others tomorrow.

amen...

day seventeen

dear god

thank you for today. thank you for the sunshine and that it was a great day to be outside with the boys. thank you that we have a lot of choices for safe places to play. thank you for the opportunity to be able to take it easy and adjust to each other. thank you for two kids. thank you for friends like amanda who have helped me see things in a better way and now when i'm at the park rather than thinking "oh i'd rather be doing this or that..." i'm thinking about how great it is to be at the park with my two kids.

thank you for all of the good things you have given us to share. first of all our home and family but i ask that you would show us how to share other things to be most helpful to others. thank you for clean water, food, clothing, shoes and shelter. i know that there are so many people who don't have even those things that we take for granted here.

i pray for frank and ezekiel. i've been thinking as we're doing the foster thing again about how many mistakes i made with them. i pray that you would cover all of my mistakes with them in their minds with your grace. and i thank you for giving us another chance to do things better. i thank you for jamie who worked with us and colton so that this transition is easier. i pray that frank and ezekiel are happy, healthy and learning about you.

i ask that you would help us raise colton and tylon to be mighty men of god. that they would grow up to passionately love you and that their relationships would all help them in becoming more like you.

i pray that sean would be a witness for you at work and school. i thank you that we have a husband and father who works so hard and endures school to make things better for us at home. i ask that you give him a supernatural dose of energy while he is in school until he finishes.

forgive me for all of my ugliness today. help me to make good choices tomorrow. i know when tylon said "are you gonna play with us?" and i said "no i'm gonna do the dishes" i should have sat with them for five minutes. help me not to get lazy with them and remind me that the dishes can wait.

please help us all to sleep great so we can enjoy all of your good gifts tomorrow and that we can encourage and serve each other.

amen...

day sixteen

dear god

thank you for today. i am of course thankful for tylon's placement today. but i am thankful for so many other things as well. for colton for being so awesome as a big brother to him! for sean for taking on another foster child after all the hurt from last time. for a mom who just has to come by to meet him on his first day. for a boss offering to give me a bunch of time off without me even asking. for an old boss willing to take colton for the morning on minutes notice. for all of the friends who have checked in, offered to bring meals, and let us know they're supporting us and praying for us. for a social worker for dcfs willing to go way above and beyond, not for us but for a kid on her case load.

i pray for frank and ezekiel. i ask that you are protecting them, helping them to attach well, and making sure they are being introduced to you.

i pray for the teens that kristen told us about that need to be adopted. i pray that you will find them a family soon whether it's us or not.

i am so glad one more kid has a family today but please keep placing orphans in loving families.

thank you for giving us the opportunity and the bravery to share our home and our family. keep showing us what else we have that you want us to share.

forgive me for making this process an idol and thinking more about this than about you. help me to refocus now that we are settling in. thank you for providing for us when we have a new one to provide for and help us to be wise with how we manage our time and money.

i ask that you help all of us sleep well tonight. for tylon as he is adjusting, for colton as he is so excited, for me as i'm worrying about everyone else, and especially for sean as he is carrying so so much responsibility.

amen...

day fifteen

dear god

thank you for today. thank you for a great visit with tylon and that colton is excited about having a brother again. thank you that sean was able to make it to work on time after our visit and you kept him safe driving even though he was stressed. thank you that colton and i got to have a relaxing day not knowing we were gonna have tylon so soon. thank you for a fun tee ball game and an awesome team. thank you for jill and that we got to talk to her for her birthday. thank you for all of the good things you have given us and help us to know how to share them. tonight we are excited to share our family!

i pray for frank and ezekiel. we miss them so much but trust that they are happy and healthy and that you have them in a family where they are learning about you.

i pray for crystal. i know she is sad about tylon leaving. help them process this without too much pain.

i pray for all of the other kids who are waiting for families, that you would find them good homes soon.

i thank you for michelle and other social services workers who haven't lost their passion for what they do.

i feel like things are coming along so well right now and am so thankful. please help me to remember that i have other loved ones hurting and to be sensitive and there for people while trying to balance all the blessings coming our way.

thank you for a ministry mindset as we go through this process. that has really helped us roll with all of the changes. as much as we want to see our family grow i want you to constantly remind us that we are doing this first and foremost to serve you.

i pray that you would forgive us for deviating from our budget this week while we're doing so many visits and driving and having a crazy schedule. we will get back on track soon but i feel bad for using so much money right now just after declaring how great and freeing it was to be on a budget.

please help us all to sleep great tonight for a big day tomorrow. please prepare tylon. and please keep us loving and patient with each other as we make the transition. give us wisdom for how to treat each boy as they deal with the change.

thank you for all of the support and prayers of our friends!

amen...

day fourteen

dear god

thank you for today. thank you for our great meeting with tylon. thank you for a great county social worker who cares about the kids. thank you for protecting tylon from too much trauma and that he is excited about joining our family. thank you that colton seemed to like him and seems excited about bringing him home. thank you that sean is getting excited and that maybe you're healing our hearts because both of us are surprised at our ability to feel like parents to him after losing frank and ezekiel. thank you for good naps after an emotionally draining day. and for fun at disneyland.

thank you so so much that my boy is so sensitive and aware and tuned in to the hurts of others. i am so thankful and proud of him for seeing the homeless man that was asking for dinner and for insisting we buy him dinner. i pray that he never loses that sensitive heart and that we always make the time to help others even when we're on our way to do other things.

i pray for frank and ezekiel. in some ways getting ready to be placed with tylon is making me miss them more. and in some ways it feels healing. i only feel better if i can believe that where they are now, and where you have planned for them is something amazing and better than we could ever give.

i pray that tylon and his current foster family are getting ready for the move and i'm so thankful for the work they've done to help him reach his potential so far.

i pray for kristen and the work she does recruiting, and i pray for the kids on her case load. that she is successful finding awesome homes for all of them.

i thank you for the reminder today that while we are building our family we are doing ministry too and that really helped us be flexible. keep reminding us of that when the times get super tough.

i pray that colton will grow up to be a mighty man of god and love you and serve you. i pray for the relationships he will have as an adult and that they would be encouraging.

i ask that you give sean a safe drive home tonight and that he can have super restful sleep for our play date with tylon tomorrow. thank you that i have a husband that works so hard to provide for us.

i ask that you would forgive me for all of my ugliness today. feeling uncomfortable with people looking at us when we bought david dinner, getting irritated that crystal wanted a little more time with tylon, being distracted when i was with colton 'cause i was too busy thinking about the next two weeks leading up to placement. please help me to do better tomorrow. i want to be more present with colton.

help us to sleep great and treat each other with respect and kindness and be ready to serve each other.

amen....

day thirteen

dear god

thank you for today. thank you for all of the good things you have given us. thank you for food, shelter, clean water, a safe place to live. thank you that as a mom i never have to worry about any of those things for colton. please remind us that we have more than enough and these are things not every one comes by so easily and make us good at sharing.

thank you that sean had a good time at fred's church and he made it safely there and back. thank you that colton and i were able to spend a nice day together while sean was gone.

thank you for jessie, lan, and jojo. they are such special friends. thank you that we go to a church that can pick up and move on a sunday night to be at a friends event. thank you for our church that is so perfect for our family.

thank you again for sean's promotion and the pressure that takes off of us every month. i ask that you would continue to keep us accountable to being wise with what you give us!

i pray that you are with frank and ezekiel and that you have them safe and happy and healthy and learning about you.

i pray for our meeting with tylon tomorrow and that you are again crystal clear with us about how you want us to proceed.

i pray for all of the other foster kids and orphans in the world. that you would put them in families or cover their hurts with your grace.

please forgive me for all of the mistakes i make and the ways i let you down. today i was definitely not my best self and i am regretting being selfish because i was having a headache. help me to always keep little annoyances like that in perspective.

i pray that you help us to sleep great so we can be at our best for our meeting with tylon but also so that i can be there for colton after the meeting. i ask that you help me meet his emotional needs as we go through this situation.

amen...

day twelve

dear god

thank you so much for today. thank you for the celebratory feeling of this weekend coming after meeting tylon's workers and finding out about sean's upcoming promotion. thank you for our morning walk, for the sun, and for the fact that sean and colton were able to spend so much time together outside playing. thank you that i was able to get a lot done around the house after a busy week last week and that i was able to help christie with their move.

thank you for dear dear friends. we are so unworthy of all of the great people that love us.

thank you for all of our resources and thank you that we always have more than enough. i am so thankful for the lessons you have taught us about how to be happy with what we have and not to look around and want more and more things.

thank you for colton for making us parents. thank you that he teaches us the lessons we teach him like when he thinks sean and i are really arguing he stops us to say "let's just have a good weekend. nothing is worth fighting about". he is so cool.

i pray that you would be working in frank and ezekiels lives and the lives of the people who are caring for them. i pray that if anything should change in their circumstance that their social workers, lawyer, or the court would contact us.

i pray for tylon. that he is having a great weekend at crystal's. i pray that you are preparing us all for this meeting monday and that we would again here you giving us your direction when we meet.

i pray for the teen sisters kristen told us about and ask that you would show us what part if any you would like us to play in your plan for their lives.

i pray for all of the other foster kids and orphans around the world. i know your grace is enough to cover all of the hurts and disappointments they have faced. please give them the eyes to see you.

i pray that you would help us be wise and responsible with all of the good things you have given us and that we would please you with the way we take care of every special gift you see fit to bless us with.

i pray you would help sean get through all of his homework tonight and have energy and passion for teaching at fred's church tomorrow. keep him safe driving since i know he'll be tired.

please forgive me for all of the times i let you down today. make me better, more cheerful, and patient with my family tomorrow!

i ask that you would help us all to sleep great tonight so that tomorrow we can be at our best.

amen...

day eleven

dear god

thank you for hearing my groans, literally and figuratively yesterday in place of prayers. what a heavy emotional day.

thank you for all of the good things you blessed us with today. thank you for a relaxing day with colton where he got to recover from his long, emotional day. thank you for his school that is willing to let each of the kids learn in their own ways rather than try to make them all fit the same mold. thank you for fresh fruit and veggies that i got to eat today after a busy week of eating out. thank you that you provide food for us in all situations. thank you for the budget we've been on that has taught me an appreciation for eating at home.

thank you so much for sean's promotion! thank you for teaching us how to love living on a tight budget. at first the budget seemed scary and restrictive but thank you for helping us see how freeing and fun it actually was. i pray that we can show you that we will be wise with more now that you have blessed us with more money. please guide us as we make financial choices and help us not get back into the pattern of laziness with the precious resources you have given us. thank you for all you taught us over the last year and a half. and thank you for being such a patient father as we made stupid, and selfish choices out of ignorance in the past. thank you for a mom and stepdad who let us live with them to get our heads above water with the debt we were in. help us to stay worthy of this extremely unexpected blessing! i know you say that to the people you give much to much is expected. help us to know how to meet those expectations.

thank you for colton. thank you for a family that is willing to step up and watch colton for us so we can go out and thank you that when we do get to be alone we enjoy each other's company.

i pray for frank and ezekiel. please plan a path for their lives that involves few disappointments and heart aches. please cover all their hurts with your grace.

i pray for tylon and that you would continue to help him to thrive with crystal. i thank you that you seem to have spared him some of the trauma and that he seems to be sweet in spite of all the grown ups in his life letting him down.

i pray for the teens kristen told us about and that you would pave the way if you want us to be a part of their lives.

i pray for sean's power ball ticket 'cause hey....why not!?

i pray that you would show us how to share all of the good things you have given us with others in a way that is helpful and not harmful.

i ask that you would please forgive me for all the nasty things i thought today and that you would help me to think the best of others and not go straight to a mean thought regarding other peoples character first thing. help me not to be so jaded.

i pray that you would help us sleep great and wake up feeling healthy and strong. help us to be ready in the morning to serve each other, be respectful to each other and be kind.

amen...

day ten

dear god

i know the bible says that when we can't pray you let the holy spirit intervene on our behalf. i ask that you will take all i have and hear what we need.

this day of meeting with tylon's social workers was good. but heavy.

i thank you for a husband who sees my vision for ministry, for friends willing to watch colton for 8 hours, and for all the loved ones who checked in on us today.

thank you for guiding us and putting sean and i on the same page.

i am physically and emotionally exhausted.

amen

day nine

dear god

thank you for today. thank you for colton's school and that he can get an education and we have so many options. thank you for a teacher who sees my vision for the kind of man i want colton to grow up to be. thank you that he and i are able to work together well to reach our school goals.

thank you for our friends at judy's and that those relationships can endure. i pray that you help their family stick close and as a unit as they walk through shealyn's pregnancy together.

thank you that colton and sean got a chance to go play golf together with seans friends from work and that i got to spend time with irene. help me to be a good example of a christian to her. thank you for a chance to just be able to be silly for a few hours.

thank you that the lights are back on in the back of our house and that the loss of lights in the summer is the roughest we have it and that you give us food, clean water, shelter, beds, clothes and not only those things but excellent versions of those things. and that as parents we never have to worry about if the necessary things in our day to day lives will make any of us sick.

thank you for the therapy we did with jamie last year and that we are functioning so much more peacefully as a family.

please show us how to share all of the good things you give us with others who need good things. give us wisdom to be helpful rather than harmful as we try to do good.

please put justice, ethics and charity at the forefront of the choices we make.

please be with frank and ezekiel. help them to have a childhood filled with your grace and that they would grow up to have healthy relationships with you.

i thank you that the meeting with tylon's workers went well today and i pray that you guide our steps and emotions tomorrow as we meet with his social worker. we want to do whatever you want us to do. help that to be abundantly clear.

i pray for those that work in child protective services around the world. help them to all want to do what's best for kids.

help us to be aware of more of the "least of these". that we can serve them and in turn serve you.

help us to be less concerned with our comfort and more concerned with running this race well and serving others. show us how to use all of the good gifts you've given us for the benefit of others without risking the health of our family.

forgive me for being impatient with sean and colton today. teach me to leave whatever is preoccupying my mind in the back of my mind when i'm dealing with my loved ones. thank you that each of them is so willing to forgive me and that we are able to talk things out and remain loving.

i ask that you give us all good, restful sleep tonight. especially sean as he works so hard going to work and school and i know he is so spent these days. please make him feel like the hours he sleeps have been multiplied.

amen...

day eight

dear god

thank you for today. today was a long day but i just kept seeing it through colton's eyes and although i was exhausted i was happy 'cause i thought he must be having a great day! thank you for sunshine and perfect temperatures and good health so we could be outside playing most of the day. thank you for a job that i can do in the yard while colton plays.

thank you for all of the healthy choices we have in the house to eat so that i can feel good about what my family is eating any time of the day. and thank you for clean water and climate control. i am so thankful for all these things that you somehow saw fit to bless me and my family with.

thank you that sean and colton can go play while i stay home and pray and get things done around the house. thank you that we all make a good team.

i pray that you would bless my moms in motion group with success in pulling off a great fundraiser this year and also that we could be used to encourage birth parents in other ways. i pray that jeff would be given more help at work so he wouldn't be spread so thin.

i pray for the edgmons that shealyn would make the best choice for the baby she is carrying. you placed that baby there so i trust that you will work things out for that baby. i also know that this has rocked their family so please give them peace.

thank you for jim and marleen and for the support they are to our family and i just pray that you would give jim a victory in his ministry and help him not feel irrelevant and like a failure.

i pray for frank and ezekiel and just ask that you are protecting them and covering all of the hard things with your grace and that maybe someday you would see fit to let us see them and have a relationship with their family.

i pray for tylon and the meeting tomorrow all of the social workers are having. i pray that you would please guide every single step.

i pray for the two foster teen girls that kristen told us about. again please give them your grace where their path has been marked with ugly and hurt.

i pray that you would help us to raise colton to love you and want to please you with his life.

i pray that you would move in a mighty way in the foster care and child welfare system and that the children's best interests are what is fought for.

god please forgive me for all the ways i failed today. i know i didn't give this day my all after being so sick last night. help me put all of my effort into tomorrow for your glory.

help us to sleep well and wake up ready to serve you and each other.

amen...

day seven

i was sick and went straight to bed. :/

day six

dear god

thank you for today. thank you that we have a family that we enjoy spending so much time with. thank you that we can laugh and be silly together and play.

thank you that sean and colton treat me great every day of the year...not just mothers day.

thank you for colton, that i can be a mom. and thank you for colette for choosing life for him and allowing us to be his parents. thank you for all the extended family that comes along with being his family.

thank you for all of the good things you give us that we take for granted that many people don't have or have to work super hard for.

thank you for all of the ways you are answering prayers and dreams in my friends lives...like casey and amy.

i pray that frank and ezekiel had a great day today with someone that treats them like a mom should treat her kids. i pray for their biological mom. that you would intervene in her life and that she would be receptive to you.

help us to know your will clearly when it comes to our next steps in foster care. please give us crystal clear direction.

i pray that you would give emma strength and good rest and things to be extremely happy about.

i pray that you would pour out tons of blessings on joel and amanda and take away the pain and stress that makes them feel like crying.

i pray for sean as he goes about his days away for me and colton. that he would have integrity, and make good choices, and be a light for his friends and coworkers. i pray that his every decision would be based on what would be most glorifying and pleasing to you. i pray that he would take care of himself as an act of worship.

i pray that you would make colton a mighty man of god and help him to grow to love you. i pray for his future significant relationships and that you are preparing the people he will make his as he becomes an adult.

i pray that you would forgive me for making choices throughout today that don't bring the focus to you. and i would like to ask that you would forgive me and help me to do better tomorrow.

amen

day five

dear god

thank you for today. thank you for warm weather and sun. thank you for a slow morning at home to cook together and play together.
thank you for colton's tee ball team and all the great families we have met this season.
thank you that you have blessed us so much with incredible friends. for josh and shelly who are always so generous and supportive and for amy and her friends who threw her a surprise birthday party.
thank you so so much for casey's job with jim henson! what a giant, crazy, amazing blessing! i am so excited for our talented friends who are recognized for the great gifts you have given them!!

thank you that even though our power is out in the back of the house that we have power in the fridge and that none of our food has gone bad.

thank you for the money that came from sean working with mike on the film project and that we're having yet another month where i'm not concerned about how our bills are going to get paid.

god i pray for frank and ezekiel. i want wherever they are to be happy, healthy and a place they learn about you.

i pray for all the precious kids we either have heard about through this foster process or will hear about. show us very clearly which ones you want to join our family and which ones we are just to pray for and advocate for.

thank you for teaching me through losing frank and ezekiel what a blessing colton is and how special mothers day is. i apologize for ever taking motherhood, and mothers day for granted.

thank you for forgiving me and wanting me to be successful. please show me as i make mistakes how you want to see me be better and thank you for correcting us in loving ways.

i pray that you would help us sleep great and that we would be ready to be awesome to each other and others around us tomorrow.

amen...

day four

dear god

thank you for the things you had in store for me today. thank you for the things you taught me. thank you for warm sun and the bird that visited us at the window this morning. thank you for the laughs we had as a family before sean left for work. thank you that ej and heidi are good friends as well as my bosses and that we got to spend time together today.

god please continue to help us be generous with the good things you have given us. we are making out a few checks for giving away and it feels good after so long of pinching pennies. i am so thankful for the friends who have encouraged us in sticking to a tight budget so that now at the end of the month we're not negative and having to use our credit cards. i am so thankful for learning this so that we can finally give again. show us other ways to be generous, not just with money.

of course i want to pray for frank and ezekiel. please be protecting them. please help them to learn to form healthy attachments. please help them not to feel abandoned by all of their former foster families.

we pray for tylon. i don't know if he is the one you have picked out for our family but we will follow this through til you say stop. please be protecting him in the mean time and preparing us for the next steps. help us to use our heads as well as our hearts as we move forward.

i pray for all of the foster kids and orphans. help them to know you as their father for the times they feel especially lonely for a family. but, with all due respect, that's not good enough. please help families be willing to invite those kids into their families. and help us to be good ambassadors even though we have been heart broken by the very system we would love to see people get involved in.

i pray for my friends who are missionaries abroad. i am seeing so many separated by distance. please help my missionary friends not be too homesick for their families.

i pray for colton. i pray that you will help us to nurture everything that is sweet in him and shepherd out anything that is hurtful or selfish. i know he's just a kid but help us know how to guide him to become the man you have planned.

god please forgive me for being stingy with my time and energy. i realize that now that i am home with colton so much i'm finding it harder to reach out to others. shake me out of this home-body rut i'm in. let me be a good example to colton.

help us to sleep great tonight so we are ready to face tomorrow with great attitudes!

amen...

day three

dear god

thank you for today. as much as i often think i would rather be in heaven, chilling out and worshiping you i realize that you have a way for me to go in my journey to becoming more like you and that these days are how i will get there. thank you for being so patient with me as i try to learn.

thank you for all the good things you give me. friends, family, food, shelter, clothes, clean water, money that more than covers the necessities of life. please show me how to share these gifts with others who need these things in the best way that will bless them. i feel you calling me to share my home and family with a child in the foster care system. help us to make the right choice as we move forward and that we say yes to the right one not just pine away for another child to fill the desire to be a mom again. i feel you calling me to give food to the people i see asking on the road side. help me to treat these people with dignity and respect. please show us other ways to share the good gifts you've given us.

i pray for frank and ezekiel. please continue to remind me that you love them more than i do.

i pray for tylon. we don't know if he is the one you have picked out for us but we have said at every turn that we would follow through to the end any child you placed in front of us until we feel you are closing the door to that opportunity. give us wisdom as we move forward. thank you for communication from the social workers today. it is nice to hear from them even when we aren't getting anywhere concrete. at least i can see that we are getting closer to a decision.

i pray for amy frederick. i know she wants a child so bad and she admitted to having a rough day today. why do i know so many great women who long to be moms and it just won't happen naturally or without loss? i know you have a good plan for everything but i can't help but feel that these sad stories come from a fallen world and i ask that you end all this ugly soon and take us to heaven where we don't have to experience sadness and disappointment.

i pray that sean, colton and i could treat each other with respect and kindness and strive to serve each other. help sean and i to be good examples to colton and apologize when we fall short.

please help sean to feel that the hours he gets to sleep are multiplied and that he would feel healthy and strong and sharp during this season of so few hours in bed.

please convict me and then forgive me every time i fall short of bringing you glory.

amen...

day two

dear god

thank you for this day. thank you that even though the rain makes me gloomy i know that it is part of the process that brings me things i love and need...plants and food. i'm thankful that even in this time of longing for another little one to parent i have a pretty easy kid who is cool with watching movies on rainy days and snuggling. thank you that we always have enough of everything and even beyond that we have thing we want just for pleasure.

thank you for colton's theater group and the neat people we have met there and the unique friends he has made.

thank you that this morning you have blessed us with enough money to not only be home, but to be able to go out to breakfast with dear friends.

and thank you for our friends! we are so unworthy of all the loving people you have placed in our lives.

i pray for frank and ezekiel. thank you for the 3 months we had to know them and be their family. thank you for the dream i had about them last night. it is a treat to see them even if it is only in my dreams. please protect them and give them an abundance of good things. and maybe just maybe let us see them again someday and see how they're really doing.

we pray for whoever you have planned to join our family next. that they would be just right for us and that we would be just right for them. i know it won't be perfect. foster care is always a mess. but i pray that you will set it up and give us what it takes to handle whatever comes our way.

guide each step as we pursue adopting from foster care once again.

i pray for colton. that he will grow to love you and be a mighty man of god. i pray that all of his relationships will be glorifying and encouraging.

i pray for casey and natalie and their life in new york. thank you that they have made great friends and are taking this time to chase their dreams!

help sean and i to be a light for you at colton's tee ball games.

be with sean as he is at work. help him to maintain integrity with his coworkers and even when no one is watching. i am so thankful for a husband who works hard to provide the opportunity for colton and i to be able to be home together and for colton's influence to come from his family.

god forgive me for losing my patience with colton. we are so blessed to even have a child so help me to see him as a blessing all the time. also i know that as you parent us you are ever patient and kind. help me to raise him the way you are raising me.

day one

yesterday at church we agreed to a 40 day challenge of doing a prayer journal. so here goes...

ok god first off thanks a ton for all of the good things you have given us. i am continually thankful for things like food, shelter, clean water and friends and family. i know that these are special gifts and i also know that you give us things to share....so i constantly want to be sharing the good things you give me.
i have health, help me not waste it by being lazy.
i have a house, make me open it to those who need one.
i have food, let me never stop sharing food even when i don't want to turn around 'cause i have to pee when colton sees someone with a sign on the road needing food.
i have amazing friends, push me to be open to making new friends rather than keeping to myself and thinking "i have enough friends already".
i have enough money, help me to be generous rather than afraid of where the money will come from next month.
i have a great job, make me work hard every day and earn this job that is such an incredible blessing!

along the line of praising you like we learned in the prayer passage we read...
i am constantly impressed by how organized you are. thank you for taking care of the whole world and proving that you care for the sick and persecuted across the world from me, as well as granting me good weather for a day when i have to be outside with colton. i don't like to bug you for little trivial things but it is fun to see you answer and i like to imagine you smiling as you tap your finger to grant me a sweet strawberry on a sad day before you move on to all the big things you are doing. again and again i think "i am not worthy of this favor".

i had thought this winter that if we didn't wind up with frank and ezekiel after all the glimpses that seemed like it might actually happen i'd be really pissed with you. but i am super sorry for feeling that way. i think that even those glimpses were special gifts from you, reminding me that you are taking care of them. i keep feeling like i need to bust my ass to advocate for them, and then i realized through being contacted by alina that you are advocating for them and don't need my help. duh. so thank you for the knowledge that you are working in their lives. please protect them from being averse to attaching with a loving caregiver or friend. please put people in their lives that teach them to know you. please give them healthy self esteem. and if you see fit put in on domenisha's heart to allow us to be a part of their lives!

i ask that you do that for all of our foster kids. sometimes i am upset that i know about all this pain and hurt, but all in all i am glad because i know that you want us interceding for these kids. please move, and change the system.

give sean and i wisdom as we get closer to accepting a new placement. and help us to be ok only being able to take who we can in this small house. i am so thankful for this house you have given us but it is hard sometimes because i want to give a loving home to all of the kids i am presented with. help me to be satisfied knowing that you have those kid's futures in your hand and remind me that you love them more than i ever could.

help me to be a good teacher for colton. thank you for the opportunity to home school him. make me be disciplined and engaging as a teacher.

please bless eric and jana - thank you for their example, their love, their generosity. help them always be wise as they parent sweet ryan and luke. grant them patience during the trying times.

i ask that you give luke great friends and thank you for the man he is becoming.

please grant joel and amanda the desires of their hearts. i would love to see them become parents, have jobs they love and never have to make a student loan payment again!

i ask that you put the right people in mikes path so that he can find a great job that doesn't hurt his soul before his contract is up in september.

please give lan a job that he can feel at home at until he finishes school and can do his job without fear of how long that particular job will last and give him and jessie peace about their finances. thank you for always giving them enough.

i pray that you would give amy wisdom and boldness and no fear as she pursues her next steps after the dr. and i would love to see her meet a man that loves you and wants to grow closer to you in a relationship with amy.

i pray for emma, that she would be strengthened by a sense of community while she is with us, so that as she goes and works with a different crew, different time zone and different passengers she knows she has a place to call "home" whenever she is here.

i pray for sayuri to feel a sense of purpose in hawaii since she can't get transferred back to ca.

please forgive me for laziness, selfishness, and being judgmental. make me see my day the way you would, make me treat the people around me the way you would and make me see things the way you do...

amen...