day thirtyone

dear god

i am stressed and grumpy and nothing good. i am reminding myself that everything that is irritating comes from something good....late night at chuck e cheese means i have a kid on a rad tee ball team and really neat friends....but all i am is stressed about not sleeping and worrying about my visit with ty's county worker tomorrow.

i kept thinking "enjoy this moment with the kids" but all it was was loud and stressful. it brought out the worst in the kids and especially me. thank you for keeping me under control and letting me cry out to you when i was getting frustrated. but forgive me and make me better 'cause i know i could have been.

thank you for chris and kim who took on our team as volunteers and put so much heart into this season.

thank you for the way everyone was so excited to welcome ty.

thank you for the resources to be able to do something like that.

i ask that you help me to rest great tonight and the kids as well and that we can start off like this train wreck of a bad attachment environment and sensory overload night didn't happen. i should never have put poor ty through it!

i pray for frank and ezekiel. i pray that their aunt is caring for them sensitively and that they are learning to love you.

i ask that you would forgive me for being such a whiner tonight.

please help us to be great to eachother tomorrow.

amen...

day thirty

dear god

thank you that i am learning so much about you these days. i feel like really letting myself experience the feelings of hard times has given me the chance to really think about you and how to be more obedient and become like you. i think it's amazing that you have waited all these long years to show me so many things. help me to be the kind of parent to my kids as you are to me. thank you so much for all of the ways you bless us. we have never needed anything necessary and not only that but we've always had more than enough. i ask that you would help us to always remember how good we have it and always help us see with your eyes how we can share the good gifts you've given us with others.

i am so thankful for heather, richelle and jessie. thank you that we got to spend the day at disneyland today. thank you for being able to lighten eachother's loads physically and mentally. i don't know why you saw fit to bless us with such great friends but we are so so thankful.

thank you for the way richelle was able to help her arianna through her tough day.

help jessie be able to reconcile with her sister. soften their hearts.

help heather to figure out just the right insurance option for their family.

i pray that you would be with frank and ezekiel. i ask that they are happy and healthy and learning all about you.

sin is just so gross the way it destroys families and peoples lives. what needs to happen to see redemption in all of this ugly that sometimes we feel so enmeshed in?

thank you for my job and my friends who are my bosses. thank you that i was able to work from disneyland today and that i have great clients.

i ask that you would forgive me for all of the ways i fall short and that you would help me make better choices tomorrow. help me to see when my patience is running low and to make choices to lead myself away from the temptation to be less than good.

i ask that you would help us sleep good sleep tonight and help us to wake up feeling healthy and strong and ready to serve eachother here and also when we go out. and that we would be kind and respectful to eachother.

amen...

day twentynine

dear god

thank you for today. thank you for giving us above and beyond what we need!

today i'm feeling overwhelmed. i know that two kids is not too much. i think i just let satan get the best of me today and i was weak. help me to rest better tonight and not feel so run down. i want to be patient and positive and engaged with the kids. i felt like it was good though because i feel like i remembered to pray for your hand like we learned on sunday in the moments when i felt like i was losing it. help me to be better tomorrow please. i'm sorry i didn't do amazing today. please cover my mistakes with your grace for my boys.

thank you that we have a social worker we love with olivecrest.

thank you for good friends who ask me to hang out because i'm feeling so overwhelmed and there's no way i'd even think to suggest going anywhere without them. i really don't know why we are so blessed to have such great friends!

i want so many good things for my friends. please bless their lives as much as you've blessed ours. and help them to recognize the blessings in the hard times.

i would also like to beg for frank and ezekiel's salvation. but above and beyond that i'd like to ask that they are happy and healthy.

thank you for my job and the fact that my bosses are still my friends!

i'm going to end because i know i've been so sore and ache-y 'cause i haven't been sleeping enough. help me to manage my time better!

amen...

day twentyeight

dear god

thank you for today. today was a little hard with the boys but i just kept reminding myself that it is a blessing to be their mom and that i asked for this! remind me as the days go to seek you when the times are hard and let you help me rather than stressing out. having wild and grumpy kids though is nothing and i'm so thankful as always for the healthy food, clean water, warm home, money, cars, running water, and extras just to make life easier. you have given us so much more than we deserve. please help me to always be seeking you for ways to share the good things you've given us.

i ask that you are with frank and ezekiel. i pray that they would rise above the circumstances they were born in to and learn to love and serve you.

i ask that you relieve jessie and lan of their stresses soon and give them endurance in the mean time. i ask that you give joel and amanda all the good things they can handle. i ask that you strengthen mike and heather for if there are hard times ahead when he starts to actively look for a new job. please bless amy at work and with a perfect living situation. thank you for richelle and the way she inspires me to be a servant with her whole life. i pray that you would give emma some easy days as a break in all of her stress. i ask that you be with luke at school and that he would be a light for you. and that you would help eric and jana find a perfect tenant and patience with ryan. i pray that you are helping sayuri to see her purpose in hawaii and giving her wisdom in her relationships. i am so thankful that you are blessing casey and natalie in so many ways and just would ask that for icing on the cake you would heal natalies tummy.

i thank you for my friends and family. i honestly believe we are so fortunate because we have so many super quality people that we know and love and especially love us.

thank you for the great groups of encouraging people we have met in colton's theater and in tee ball. you knew just who we needed this year!

we've been so tired. please help us to sleep well and feel rested tomorrow.

please forgive me for all of the ways i have let you down. help me to see it in the moment and surrender to you right then and there rather than thinking about it later.

i ask that you would prepare us tonight to be good servants tomorrow.

amen...

day twentyseven

dear god

thank you so much for today. thank you for the opportunity to get things done that needed to be done and also relax and play with the kids. thank you for the money to be able to buy more than enough healthy groceries. thank you for my friends at church. i love this little church family you have given me. thank you for colton and ty. thank you that you have given us these two kids.

thank you for the lesson in jabez. thank you for encouraging eric to share that message with us tonight.

i thank you that you expanded my territory with colton and ty. i ask that you would give me your hand and help me as i go through the days with them. i absolutely know i can't do this without you. i also ask that you would keep me from harm and keep me from doing any harm. i also would love to expand our family again when you see fit so i will ask that you expand our territory and know that we can't do it without your hand in it.

i pray that you are making sure that frank and ezekiel are happy and healthy and are learning about you.

i ask that you will help amy find a great job and that she will find a perfect place to live.

i ask that you are lining up a perfect job for michel.

i ask that you give lan lots and lots of opportunities to get into a great art career as soon as he's done with school and give him a supernatural dose of strength and energy to get through the rest of school.

i pray that you give emma an easy time of a crazy work schedule and trying to find a great place to live.

i pray that you would give richelle everything she needs to take great care of arianna. i am so thankful for the example she is of living a life to serve you by serving the least of these.

i pray that you would give eric and jana just the right tenant and thank you that they are always willing to open their home to us each week.

i pray that you give joel a great job soon and relieve some of the pressure on amanda.

i am so thankful for all of the great things you are doing in casey and natalie's adventure and pray that you give them all of the good things because they are so so dear!

i ask that you would forgive me for all of the gross things i have done and pray that you would help me to make better choices tomorrow.

i ask that you would help us to bring you glory and teach people about you wherever we go and whatever we do.

please help us all to sleep great and serve each other and others with a respectful attitude.

amen...

day twentysix

i totally forgot last night!!!  :/

day twentyfive

dear god

thank you for today. thank you for another day to spend with the two boys. thank you for all of the moments. the things that used to feel mind numbingly mundane now seem so filled with purpose. i know that that is not the reason for losing frank and ezekiel but i thank you that we see things so differently now. thank you for the sunshine and the warm weather. thank you that we have a space to play outside and cool drinks and lots of healthy choices to snack on as well as good meals. thank you that i was able to make it to richelle's baby shower and that her friends are treating her taking a foster child as legitimately as they would have if she'd had a biological baby. that encourages me.

i ask that you be a strong presence in frank and ezekiel's lives right now.

i ask that you give sean and i deep wisdom and patience for our two boys who have a lot to wrestle with right now and as they grow up.

there's been so many natural disasters recently and i just ask that you would work these tragedies together for good. that people would see hope rather than despair.

i ask that you would forgive me for all of the ways i failed today. sometimes i try to be good and then do the wrong thing and think "dang....but i didn't know what else to do...." help me to make more wise choices, in my mind and in my actions and in my words.

please help us all to sleep great and wake up ready to serve each other and those around us as well as to be kind and respectful.

amen...