day thirtyone

dear god

i am stressed and grumpy and nothing good. i am reminding myself that everything that is irritating comes from something good....late night at chuck e cheese means i have a kid on a rad tee ball team and really neat friends....but all i am is stressed about not sleeping and worrying about my visit with ty's county worker tomorrow.

i kept thinking "enjoy this moment with the kids" but all it was was loud and stressful. it brought out the worst in the kids and especially me. thank you for keeping me under control and letting me cry out to you when i was getting frustrated. but forgive me and make me better 'cause i know i could have been.

thank you for chris and kim who took on our team as volunteers and put so much heart into this season.

thank you for the way everyone was so excited to welcome ty.

thank you for the resources to be able to do something like that.

i ask that you help me to rest great tonight and the kids as well and that we can start off like this train wreck of a bad attachment environment and sensory overload night didn't happen. i should never have put poor ty through it!

i pray for frank and ezekiel. i pray that their aunt is caring for them sensitively and that they are learning to love you.

i ask that you would forgive me for being such a whiner tonight.

please help us to be great to eachother tomorrow.

amen...