day thirtyeight

dear god

thank you for today. thank you that my upset tummy didn't affect me being able to play with and watch the kids. thank you for magical bubbles and the fun we had with them all day. thank you for the sunshine and warmth. thank you that colton and ty are learning to love eachother. thank you for food, water, clean clothes, warm shelter and friends and family. please help us to learn how you want us to share all of the good gifts you've given us.

thank you that our neighbors and landlord have been so gracious and forgiving about the window colton broke. help us to show them your love in return.

i pray that you will make it so that frank and ezekiel grow up to love you and know you well. i thank you that their aunt is taking great care of them.

i pray that  you would give all of my friends all of the good things they desire. and please make their roads as pain free as possible. we know so many special people who love us and i just feel like they all deserve good things. i know technically none of us deserve good things but in as much as you can do and still accomplish your purposes for their lives that would be super.

i pray that you would comfort the quisenberry's after the loss of the baby they were planning to adopt.

i pray that you be with the oslunds after their fire.

i pray that you would forgive me for all of the ways i blew it today. i know there were many. please forgive me and help me make better choices tomorrow. help me not to feel so stubborn when i'm feeling nasty and i think "god wouldn't like this" and do it anyways.

help sean to make it home safely after school and thank you for as hard as he is working for us.

please help us all to sleep great and have a great day tomorrow.

amen...

day thirtyseven

oh man i think i'm under a lot of stress. seems like a lot of days recently i've been having a very upset stomach with anything i eat and last night was one of those nights. :/

day thirtysix

dear god

thank you for today. thank you for the boys and that katie was able to come by and support me as a foster parent and a parent in general. thank you for giving me the energy to play with the boys. thank you that after my meeting with katie i had a new energy and perspective. thank you that i was able to have a lot of sweet moments with ty today to store up. thank you for a great dentist that cares so much for our kids. thank you for the fact that we have enough to share with people and still have more than enough. please show us how you want us to be generous and helpful in other ways.

i pray for frank and ezekiel and that they are doing well and learning to love you. i pray that some day we would be able to reconnect and see how they're doing. again thank you that katie was able to share with me more info that confirms that manisha was a danger to our family. please protect frank and ezekiel from her drama.

i thank you that you are working so powerfully in our friends lives. for the friends that are still waiting for something amazing to happen, i pray that you would give them the power to understand your love while they wait.

thank you that we were able to get pictures done with richelle last night. please help that to help ty feel a part of the family.

i pray for sean at work, that he would model integrity and work hard to bring you glory. thank you that he works so hard to provide for us.

please forgive me for all the times i failed today in so many ways. please help me to do better!

i ask that our sleep tonight would be extremely restorative and that we would wake up ready to have great attitudes and that we would be ready to be respectful, kind and ready to serve.

amen...

day thirtyfive

apparently i can't do anything for more than thirty days since i've forgotten so much!

day thirtyfour

dear god

thank you for today. thank you for a date with colton. thank you for the money to buy lots of healthy groceries. thank you that the people at trader joes know me and could recognize that i had more food and wanted to engage with me and talk about foster care. thank you that the checker could encourage me. it was an unlikely place to get encouragement. thank you for a great group at church and for laughs and fellowship and how we can challenge and encourage eachother. thank you that kristen was able to watch the kids and that she was so great at playing with them.

i ask that you would bless frank and ezekiel in a million different way. i pray that they would know you and love you.

i pray that you would do something mighty and powerful in the foster care system.

i pray that you would help my friends have your power, i pray that they would have the power to understand how good, and powerful, and forgiving and in control and loving you are. i feel like that would help all of us live happier, healthier lives. but i also feel like i would resist that sometimes honestly in favor of feeling ugly or gross. help us to resist that temptation.

i know i failed in so many ways today. i know when i was scolding colton i was thinking "god is not happy about this" and then i felt like "oh well i survived getting yelled at so he can be fine too". but that was ugly and wrong of me. i feel like i fail in so many ways. help me to be a better wife, mom, friend, and employee.

i ask that you help us all to sleep great so we can have a lot of fun together tomorrow.

amen...

day thirtythree

i just prayed from the floor of the boys room exhausted and didn't have it in me to get to the computer once they finally fell asleep. shame on me!

day thirtytwo

dear god

today i am worn. i am bummed about colton's attitude today. i am bummed that collante got removed from his home because he's been violent. i am bummed about manuel's problems in school and at home and all of the behavior issues that lily is dealing with. i pray for colette's kids that i love so much but are hard on their families. i pray for donna and jill and mr and mrs booth as i know they're heart broken after having to institutionalize collante. i pray that you would spare the others from the nature that they came from and help us to nurture them enough to make them well. i don't even really feel like praying 'cause i feel so down. but i know that you want to hear from us even when we're scared for the future, sad, and discouraged. i can't stop thinking about this song so this is what i have to give tonight....

I’m Tired I’m worn
My heart is heavy
From the work it takes to keep on breathing
I’ve made mistakes
I’ve let my hope fail
My soul feels crushed by the weight of this world
And I know that you can give me rest
So I cry out with all that I have left

Let me see redemption win
Let me know the struggle ends
That you can mend a heart that’s frail and torn
I wanna know a song can rise from the ashes of a broken life
And all that’s dead inside can be reborn
Cause I’m worn

I know I need to lift my eyes up
But im too weak
Life just won’t let up
And I know that you can give me rest
So I cry out with all that I have left

Let me see redemption win
Let me know the struggle ends
That you can mend a heart that’s frail and torn
I wanna know a song can rise from the ashes of a broken life
And all that’s dead inside can be reborn
Cause I’m worn
My prayers are wearing thin
And I’m worn
Even before the day begins
I’m worn
I’ve lost my will to fight
I’m worn
Heaven come and flood my eyes

Let me see redemption win
Let me know the struggle ends
That you can mend a heart that’s frail and torn
I wanna know a song can rise from the ashes of a broken life
And all that’s dead inside can be reborn
Cause all that’s dead inside will be reborn

that is all ...... amen.....

day thirtyone

dear god

i am stressed and grumpy and nothing good. i am reminding myself that everything that is irritating comes from something good....late night at chuck e cheese means i have a kid on a rad tee ball team and really neat friends....but all i am is stressed about not sleeping and worrying about my visit with ty's county worker tomorrow.

i kept thinking "enjoy this moment with the kids" but all it was was loud and stressful. it brought out the worst in the kids and especially me. thank you for keeping me under control and letting me cry out to you when i was getting frustrated. but forgive me and make me better 'cause i know i could have been.

thank you for chris and kim who took on our team as volunteers and put so much heart into this season.

thank you for the way everyone was so excited to welcome ty.

thank you for the resources to be able to do something like that.

i ask that you help me to rest great tonight and the kids as well and that we can start off like this train wreck of a bad attachment environment and sensory overload night didn't happen. i should never have put poor ty through it!

i pray for frank and ezekiel. i pray that their aunt is caring for them sensitively and that they are learning to love you.

i ask that you would forgive me for being such a whiner tonight.

please help us to be great to eachother tomorrow.

amen...

day thirty

dear god

thank you that i am learning so much about you these days. i feel like really letting myself experience the feelings of hard times has given me the chance to really think about you and how to be more obedient and become like you. i think it's amazing that you have waited all these long years to show me so many things. help me to be the kind of parent to my kids as you are to me. thank you so much for all of the ways you bless us. we have never needed anything necessary and not only that but we've always had more than enough. i ask that you would help us to always remember how good we have it and always help us see with your eyes how we can share the good gifts you've given us with others.

i am so thankful for heather, richelle and jessie. thank you that we got to spend the day at disneyland today. thank you for being able to lighten eachother's loads physically and mentally. i don't know why you saw fit to bless us with such great friends but we are so so thankful.

thank you for the way richelle was able to help her arianna through her tough day.

help jessie be able to reconcile with her sister. soften their hearts.

help heather to figure out just the right insurance option for their family.

i pray that you would be with frank and ezekiel. i ask that they are happy and healthy and learning all about you.

sin is just so gross the way it destroys families and peoples lives. what needs to happen to see redemption in all of this ugly that sometimes we feel so enmeshed in?

thank you for my job and my friends who are my bosses. thank you that i was able to work from disneyland today and that i have great clients.

i ask that you would forgive me for all of the ways i fall short and that you would help me make better choices tomorrow. help me to see when my patience is running low and to make choices to lead myself away from the temptation to be less than good.

i ask that you would help us sleep good sleep tonight and help us to wake up feeling healthy and strong and ready to serve eachother here and also when we go out. and that we would be kind and respectful to eachother.

amen...

day twentynine

dear god

thank you for today. thank you for giving us above and beyond what we need!

today i'm feeling overwhelmed. i know that two kids is not too much. i think i just let satan get the best of me today and i was weak. help me to rest better tonight and not feel so run down. i want to be patient and positive and engaged with the kids. i felt like it was good though because i feel like i remembered to pray for your hand like we learned on sunday in the moments when i felt like i was losing it. help me to be better tomorrow please. i'm sorry i didn't do amazing today. please cover my mistakes with your grace for my boys.

thank you that we have a social worker we love with olivecrest.

thank you for good friends who ask me to hang out because i'm feeling so overwhelmed and there's no way i'd even think to suggest going anywhere without them. i really don't know why we are so blessed to have such great friends!

i want so many good things for my friends. please bless their lives as much as you've blessed ours. and help them to recognize the blessings in the hard times.

i would also like to beg for frank and ezekiel's salvation. but above and beyond that i'd like to ask that they are happy and healthy.

thank you for my job and the fact that my bosses are still my friends!

i'm going to end because i know i've been so sore and ache-y 'cause i haven't been sleeping enough. help me to manage my time better!

amen...

day twentyeight

dear god

thank you for today. today was a little hard with the boys but i just kept reminding myself that it is a blessing to be their mom and that i asked for this! remind me as the days go to seek you when the times are hard and let you help me rather than stressing out. having wild and grumpy kids though is nothing and i'm so thankful as always for the healthy food, clean water, warm home, money, cars, running water, and extras just to make life easier. you have given us so much more than we deserve. please help me to always be seeking you for ways to share the good things you've given us.

i ask that you are with frank and ezekiel. i pray that they would rise above the circumstances they were born in to and learn to love and serve you.

i ask that you relieve jessie and lan of their stresses soon and give them endurance in the mean time. i ask that you give joel and amanda all the good things they can handle. i ask that you strengthen mike and heather for if there are hard times ahead when he starts to actively look for a new job. please bless amy at work and with a perfect living situation. thank you for richelle and the way she inspires me to be a servant with her whole life. i pray that you would give emma some easy days as a break in all of her stress. i ask that you be with luke at school and that he would be a light for you. and that you would help eric and jana find a perfect tenant and patience with ryan. i pray that you are helping sayuri to see her purpose in hawaii and giving her wisdom in her relationships. i am so thankful that you are blessing casey and natalie in so many ways and just would ask that for icing on the cake you would heal natalies tummy.

i thank you for my friends and family. i honestly believe we are so fortunate because we have so many super quality people that we know and love and especially love us.

thank you for the great groups of encouraging people we have met in colton's theater and in tee ball. you knew just who we needed this year!

we've been so tired. please help us to sleep well and feel rested tomorrow.

please forgive me for all of the ways i have let you down. help me to see it in the moment and surrender to you right then and there rather than thinking about it later.

i ask that you would prepare us tonight to be good servants tomorrow.

amen...

day twentyseven

dear god

thank you so much for today. thank you for the opportunity to get things done that needed to be done and also relax and play with the kids. thank you for the money to be able to buy more than enough healthy groceries. thank you for my friends at church. i love this little church family you have given me. thank you for colton and ty. thank you that you have given us these two kids.

thank you for the lesson in jabez. thank you for encouraging eric to share that message with us tonight.

i thank you that you expanded my territory with colton and ty. i ask that you would give me your hand and help me as i go through the days with them. i absolutely know i can't do this without you. i also ask that you would keep me from harm and keep me from doing any harm. i also would love to expand our family again when you see fit so i will ask that you expand our territory and know that we can't do it without your hand in it.

i pray that you are making sure that frank and ezekiel are happy and healthy and are learning about you.

i ask that you will help amy find a great job and that she will find a perfect place to live.

i ask that you are lining up a perfect job for michel.

i ask that you give lan lots and lots of opportunities to get into a great art career as soon as he's done with school and give him a supernatural dose of strength and energy to get through the rest of school.

i pray that you give emma an easy time of a crazy work schedule and trying to find a great place to live.

i pray that you would give richelle everything she needs to take great care of arianna. i am so thankful for the example she is of living a life to serve you by serving the least of these.

i pray that you would give eric and jana just the right tenant and thank you that they are always willing to open their home to us each week.

i pray that you give joel a great job soon and relieve some of the pressure on amanda.

i am so thankful for all of the great things you are doing in casey and natalie's adventure and pray that you give them all of the good things because they are so so dear!

i ask that you would forgive me for all of the gross things i have done and pray that you would help me to make better choices tomorrow.

i ask that you would help us to bring you glory and teach people about you wherever we go and whatever we do.

please help us all to sleep great and serve each other and others with a respectful attitude.

amen...

day twentysix

i totally forgot last night!!!  :/